{"id":1258,"date":"2020-05-23T17:53:41","date_gmt":"2020-05-23T12:23:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/?p=1258"},"modified":"2021-11-06T09:40:32","modified_gmt":"2021-11-06T04:10:32","slug":"secret-to-a-successful-marriage-similarity-or-complementarity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/secret-to-a-successful-marriage-similarity-or-complementarity\/","title":{"rendered":"Secret to a successful marriage- Similarity or Complementarity?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Many singles are looking for their perfect partner, with whom they are going to spend their whole life. In the quest to find the significant other, there is this one questions that arises in everybody&#8217;s mind:&nbsp;&nbsp;<em>Would we like them to be similar to us? Or do we want someone who \u2018completes\u2019 us?&nbsp; Would I like my partner to be as outgoing and open to experiences as I am? Or would I like someone who is more grounded and can \u2018bring me back\u2019 to reality when I get too excited?<\/em>&nbsp;It may seem like there is no one answer to these questions, and the truth is, relationships really are layered, complicated processes and we all have amazingly different ways of working through them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, some pointers from extensive ongoing research and theories of interpersonal psychology could provide some relief in understanding what we might be really looking for- similarity, or complementary.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"400\" height=\"600\" src=\"https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/photo-1481841580057-e2b9927a05c6.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1259\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/photo-1481841580057-e2b9927a05c6.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/photo-1481841580057-e2b9927a05c6-200x300.jpg 200w, https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/photo-1481841580057-e2b9927a05c6-1x2.jpg 1w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;While some think that \u201copposites attract\u201d, others want to avoid the conflicts that differences can cause at all costs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The truth is that both have their pros and cons. Those who think that it\u2019s better to have a relationship with someone who\u2019s different, and therefore complementary, cite the example that two similar irritable people will always end up clashing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Those who\u2019re inclined to look for a partner who\u2019s similar to them point out that, sooner or later,&nbsp;differences will manifest&nbsp;and cracks will start to form.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Beauty of Opposites<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When a person doesn\u2019t have a very positive opinion about themselves, they\u2019ll often be attracted to those who are different from them.&nbsp;<em>You\u2019ll see in the other person an opportunity to project onto them the type of person you\u2019d&nbsp;like&nbsp;to be.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are also cases of those who&nbsp;look for someone to depend on, rather than someone to create a true relationship with. They\u2019re basically insecure and fearful people who need someone else\u2019s strength to protect them or to give them the support they need. In principle, this isn\u2019t necessarily a negative thing if it helps the person to grow and mature.&nbsp;<em>However, if it produces dependence, then it\u2019ll create a very unhealthy relationship.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Many people who think about whether they need someone similar or complementary end up choosing the latter because they consider their relationship a team. Sometimes it can almost be compared to a business. That\u2019s why they&nbsp;<em>think<\/em>, that it\u2019s better to combine strengths and weaknesses in order to bring about common achievements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"400\" height=\"267\" src=\"https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/photo-1505765052322-75804bb2e5f1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1260\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/photo-1505765052322-75804bb2e5f1.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/photo-1505765052322-75804bb2e5f1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/photo-1505765052322-75804bb2e5f1-1x1.jpg 1w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Similar or Complementary?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Science has also wondered whether it\u2019s better for lovers to be similar or complementary. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Another study from&nbsp;the University of Michigan&nbsp;came to a similar conclusion. Apparently, what really makes the difference here is that there\u2019s agreement when it comes to&nbsp;aspects such as personality, values, attitudes, hobbies, alcohol consumption, and the use of technology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Everything seems to show that sometimes people are attracted to what\u2019s different.<\/strong>&nbsp;This produces a certain curiosity in them, and they see it as an opportunity to explore new emotional territories. However, over time, what was once a novelty begins to become a barrier. The differences then create negative feelings in the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Openness and Flexibility<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The debate about whether similar or complementary is best is actually a little artificial. There\u2019s no way we\u2019ll ever find&nbsp;a partner who\u2019s exactly the same&nbsp;as us. Nor will we find someone who perfectly complements what\u2019s missing from our world. The reality is that each person reaffirms and contrasts us at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It should also be noted that all the research in this area indicates that similarity in basic tastes and attitudes is very important.&nbsp;Even so, there will always be aspects in which one or the other is going to have to give in.&nbsp;The most stable couples&nbsp;are those who are able to relax with each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That being said, differences between partners can also be healthy. They\u2019re a factor that contributes to mutual growth. Much of our love life has to do with how those differences are dealt with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When these differences are few and small, then there\u2019s a strong probability that the couple will be able to achieve this satisfactorily.&nbsp;If, however, the differences are very deep, then there\u2019s a greater probability that they\u2019ll be difficult to resolve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Conclusion:-<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>So, what\u2019s our answer to the question of whether it\u2019s best to be similar or complementary? We would say that<em>&nbsp;both<\/em>. We should be similar in essence, but complementary based on voluntary and conscious agreement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s what love is all about:&nbsp;<em>finding a balance between self-affirmation and helping to reaffirm the other person.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\">www.defencewardsmatrimony.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Many singles are looking for their perfect partner, with whom they are going to spend their whole life. In the quest to find the significant other, there is this one questions that arises in everybody&#8217;s mind:&nbsp;&nbsp;Would we like them to be similar to us? Or do we want someone who \u2018completes\u2019 us?&nbsp; Would I like<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-matrimony"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Secret to a successful marriage- Similarity or Complementarity? - Defence Wards Matrimony<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Quality matches from the defence community\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/secret-to-a-successful-marriage-similarity-or-complementarity\/\" \/>\n<meta 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