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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nDon’t make any harsh decisions<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nMany people enter a particularly rough patch in their relationship\u2014an awful fight or transgression, a dysfunctional pattern that has repeated itself one too many times\u2014and begin to head for the exit. But that’s giving up too soon, whether out of fear, frustration, or laziness. The truth is, many couples really can work through their difficulties if they’re both willing to put in the effort. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Be Very Honest<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nDon’t sit around trying to fix your relationship all by yourself\u2014it just won’t work. Get your partner involved if they aren’t already:\u00a0Talk to them honestly\u00a0about your concerns, and let them know that you’re contemplating whether the relationship can really work. Don’t threaten them with a breakup, but make sure they truly understand how seriously you’re taking these issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Know and Understand how you’re contributing to the problem<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nBeware the trap of blame. You can be upset with something your partner is doing, but at the same time, make sure you’re taking time to seriously reflect on the ways\u00a0you’ve\u00a0<\/em>also contributed to the dynamic, negative energy, and problems between you. If the problem is less about something either of you is doing to that hurts the other and more about a difference in views or lifestyle, you should both acknowledge this difference\u2014respectfully and without resentment\u2014and consider whether a compromise is reasonable or achievable. <\/p>\n\n\n\nFocus on healing yourself first<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nThis is separate from just recognizing your own contribution to your relationship’s troubled waters. This is about recognizing the inner work you have left to do on\u00a0yourself<\/em>. Oftentimes, many of the problems that emerge in our lives are directly related to underlying mental or emotional struggles we ourselves have been dealing with all along, Paul says: “If you ignore your feelings, judge yourself, turn to various addictions to numb your feelings, or make your partner responsible for your feelings of worth and safety, then you are rejecting and abandoning yourself, and you have inner work to do to learn to love yourself. People tend to treat us the way we treat ourselves, so focus on how you are treating yourself rather than how your partner is treating you.”<\/p>\n\n\n\nSpend some time reflecting on the good<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n As you’re working to rebuild your relationship, remember to take a breath from focusing on all the bad and spend some time reflecting on the good parts. What are some of your fondest memories together? What things about your partner bring you joy, inspire you, or amaze you? Don’t spend all your conversations talking about the heavy stuff. Things were good, once. They can be good again. It may never look exactly the same as it did before; it may very well become even better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seek therapy<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nGet some professional help! You must take an outside expert’s perspective, someone who understands the common pitfalls couples fall into and has experience helping them out of them. Even going alone if your partner resists the idea of therapy\u2014although attending together is ideal, the insights will be valuable either way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recognize your partner’s pain<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nIt’s easy to fall into the trap of ruminating over your relationship and getting caught up in your own difficult emotions around it, but it is important to take time to see things from your partner’s perspective. You’re not the only one who’s struggling right now. Right now, the person you love most is also going through something very painful. Can you find a way to show up and be there for them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don’t sit around trying to fix your relationship all by yourself\u2014it just won’t work. Get your partner involved if they aren’t already:\u00a0Talk to them honestly\u00a0about your concerns, and let them know that you’re contemplating whether the relationship can really work. Don’t threaten them with a breakup, but make sure they truly understand how seriously you’re taking these issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Know and Understand how you’re contributing to the problem<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nBeware the trap of blame. You can be upset with something your partner is doing, but at the same time, make sure you’re taking time to seriously reflect on the ways\u00a0you’ve\u00a0<\/em>also contributed to the dynamic, negative energy, and problems between you. If the problem is less about something either of you is doing to that hurts the other and more about a difference in views or lifestyle, you should both acknowledge this difference\u2014respectfully and without resentment\u2014and consider whether a compromise is reasonable or achievable. <\/p>\n\n\n\nFocus on healing yourself first<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nThis is separate from just recognizing your own contribution to your relationship’s troubled waters. This is about recognizing the inner work you have left to do on\u00a0yourself<\/em>. Oftentimes, many of the problems that emerge in our lives are directly related to underlying mental or emotional struggles we ourselves have been dealing with all along, Paul says: “If you ignore your feelings, judge yourself, turn to various addictions to numb your feelings, or make your partner responsible for your feelings of worth and safety, then you are rejecting and abandoning yourself, and you have inner work to do to learn to love yourself. People tend to treat us the way we treat ourselves, so focus on how you are treating yourself rather than how your partner is treating you.”<\/p>\n\n\n\nSpend some time reflecting on the good<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n As you’re working to rebuild your relationship, remember to take a breath from focusing on all the bad and spend some time reflecting on the good parts. What are some of your fondest memories together? What things about your partner bring you joy, inspire you, or amaze you? Don’t spend all your conversations talking about the heavy stuff. Things were good, once. They can be good again. It may never look exactly the same as it did before; it may very well become even better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seek therapy<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nGet some professional help! You must take an outside expert’s perspective, someone who understands the common pitfalls couples fall into and has experience helping them out of them. Even going alone if your partner resists the idea of therapy\u2014although attending together is ideal, the insights will be valuable either way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recognize your partner’s pain<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nIt’s easy to fall into the trap of ruminating over your relationship and getting caught up in your own difficult emotions around it, but it is important to take time to see things from your partner’s perspective. You’re not the only one who’s struggling right now. Right now, the person you love most is also going through something very painful. Can you find a way to show up and be there for them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Focus on healing yourself first<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nThis is separate from just recognizing your own contribution to your relationship’s troubled waters. This is about recognizing the inner work you have left to do on\u00a0yourself<\/em>. Oftentimes, many of the problems that emerge in our lives are directly related to underlying mental or emotional struggles we ourselves have been dealing with all along, Paul says: “If you ignore your feelings, judge yourself, turn to various addictions to numb your feelings, or make your partner responsible for your feelings of worth and safety, then you are rejecting and abandoning yourself, and you have inner work to do to learn to love yourself. People tend to treat us the way we treat ourselves, so focus on how you are treating yourself rather than how your partner is treating you.”<\/p>\n\n\n\nSpend some time reflecting on the good<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n As you’re working to rebuild your relationship, remember to take a breath from focusing on all the bad and spend some time reflecting on the good parts. What are some of your fondest memories together? What things about your partner bring you joy, inspire you, or amaze you? Don’t spend all your conversations talking about the heavy stuff. Things were good, once. They can be good again. It may never look exactly the same as it did before; it may very well become even better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seek therapy<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nGet some professional help! You must take an outside expert’s perspective, someone who understands the common pitfalls couples fall into and has experience helping them out of them. Even going alone if your partner resists the idea of therapy\u2014although attending together is ideal, the insights will be valuable either way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recognize your partner’s pain<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nIt’s easy to fall into the trap of ruminating over your relationship and getting caught up in your own difficult emotions around it, but it is important to take time to see things from your partner’s perspective. You’re not the only one who’s struggling right now. Right now, the person you love most is also going through something very painful. Can you find a way to show up and be there for them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Spend some time reflecting on the good<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n As you’re working to rebuild your relationship, remember to take a breath from focusing on all the bad and spend some time reflecting on the good parts. What are some of your fondest memories together? What things about your partner bring you joy, inspire you, or amaze you? Don’t spend all your conversations talking about the heavy stuff. Things were good, once. They can be good again. It may never look exactly the same as it did before; it may very well become even better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seek therapy<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nGet some professional help! You must take an outside expert’s perspective, someone who understands the common pitfalls couples fall into and has experience helping them out of them. Even going alone if your partner resists the idea of therapy\u2014although attending together is ideal, the insights will be valuable either way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recognize your partner’s pain<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nIt’s easy to fall into the trap of ruminating over your relationship and getting caught up in your own difficult emotions around it, but it is important to take time to see things from your partner’s perspective. You’re not the only one who’s struggling right now. Right now, the person you love most is also going through something very painful. Can you find a way to show up and be there for them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Get some professional help! You must take an outside expert’s perspective, someone who understands the common pitfalls couples fall into and has experience helping them out of them. Even going alone if your partner resists the idea of therapy\u2014although attending together is ideal, the insights will be valuable either way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n