{"id":2141,"date":"2022-12-11T20:37:02","date_gmt":"2022-12-11T15:07:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/?p=2141"},"modified":"2022-12-11T20:37:02","modified_gmt":"2022-12-11T15:07:02","slug":"how-is-parenting-your-partner-a-threat-to-your-relationship-and-how-to-avoid-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.defencewardsmatrimony.com\/blog\/how-is-parenting-your-partner-a-threat-to-your-relationship-and-how-to-avoid-it\/","title":{"rendered":"How is parenting your partner a threat to your relationship and how to avoid it??"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you frequently find yourself nagging or scolding your partner or you have heard yourself say \u201cI am raising four children\u201d when only two of them are actual children, also when you frequently say, \u201cWhy is it me taking all the responsibilities\u2019\u2019 you have fallen into the parenting trap and that your relationship is becoming stressful.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

It doesn’t make any difference if your partner doesn’t get up on time, has horrible taste in clothes, forgets appointments or to take pills, loses the car keys, or never picks things up. If you parent your partner, you are actually showing them a lack of acceptance and a lack of respect.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Putting yourself in the role of “parent” and your partner in the role of “child” is demeaning and can actually be counterproductive. Your partner might come to resent you for taking on a controlling role in your relationship. This can cause serious damage to your marriage.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

When couples get stuck in a pattern where one dominates\u00a0the other, there can be a high price to pay: decreased marital\u00a0satisfaction, low sex drive, frustration, anger, resentment and\u00a0low self-esteem. If you frequently find yourself nagging or\u00a0scolding your partner, you may have fallen into the parenting\u00a0trap. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to get your\u00a0relationship back on grown-up ground.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

1. Acknowledge your part in it:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Parent-child scenarios often begin when one partner feels the other isn\u2019t sharing the load, or when the same issues keep\u00a0resurfacing. The person who adopts the parent role ends up\u00a0frustrated, thinking: \u201cWell, if he would just do it, I wouldn\u2019t have to keep reminding him or take\u00a0care of it myself.\u201d The truth is that although we can\u2019t control what our partners do, we can control ourselves. So, instead\u00a0of immediately blaming your partner, consider how you\u2019ve\u00a0helped create the situation: Is it your default setting to assume\u00a0all the responsibility just because it seems easier? When\u00a0you get frustrated, do you lash out, scold or punish? Now\u00a0consider changing your approach to help him change his.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Be direct, not passive aggressive<\/strong>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Guys respond much better to clear requests. So saying\u00a0\u201cHey, can you take out the garbage this morning?\u201d is a much\u00a0faster route to success than simply stating \u201cWow, the garbage\u00a0is so full, and you have no plans to take them out \u201c while privately wishing he\u2019d empty it.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Talk it out:<\/strong>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Choose a time to voice your\u00a0concerns. Explain what\u2019s frustrating you, why it bothers you\u00a0and what the fix is. Be sure to highlight the benefits. Humour can sometimes help:\u00a0When you tease him about leaving the toothpaste uncapped,\u00a0it gets the point across without any unnecessary friction.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Divide and conquer as a team:<\/strong>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Write out a list of daily, weekly and monthly responsibilities,\u00a0then decide together who does what. Figure out your ideal\u00a0partnership and how roles such as housekeeping, parenting\u00a0or financial planning\u00a0will be divvied up. If you\u2019re usually\u00a0the \u201cparent,\u201d accept that you need to give up certain tasks.\u00a0Touch base often to share your thoughts about what is or\u00a0isn\u2019t working. Finally, be respectful and remember to thank\u00a0your partner for the help, grown-up to grown-up!<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Identify what areas you both need to work on:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Safely take accountability for your setbacks and explain to your partner how you see these challenges showing up in the relationship. With humility, own them. No one wants you to be perfect, but by taking accountability, it can help your partner feel validated, thus creating healing and motivation to want to work on change together.<\/span><\/p>\n

6. Identify your strengths and weaknesses and how you\u2019d work better as a team if you both were to work with your\u00a0strengths more:<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If your relationship was a sports team, what position would each of you flourish in? Together, agree and collaborate on what roles and responsibilities that are within your \u201cexpertise,\u201d as well as commit to taking on something within the relationship that challenges your comfort zone.<\/span><\/p>\n

7. Talk about childhoods and impactful moments <\/strong><\/span>in your\u00a0lives:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

From a curious place, discuss how you both perceive the\u00a0why behind why you are the way that you are. Go further into discussion about your childhoods and how they are impacting your current relationship. How does this give you both more compassion and understanding as to why certain characteristics or behaviors may be hard to change in adulthood.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

www.defencewardsmatrimony.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you frequently find yourself nagging or scolding your partner or you have heard yourself say \u201cI am raising four children\u201d when only two of them are actual children, also when you frequently say, \u201cWhy is it me taking all the responsibilities\u2019\u2019 you have fallen into the parenting trap and that your relationship is becoming<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2141","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-matrimony"],"yoast_head":"\nHow is parenting your partner a threat to your relationship and how to avoid it?? - Defence Wards Matrimony<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Quality matches from the defence community\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" 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