If you love me, fight with me. If you love me, yell with me. Scream and shout with me to show me you care. Shake with me and cry with me. Become exhausted, annoyed and utterly fed up with me. Dance with me in this maddening tango of love and pain.
Keep me up till dawn, talking, yelling, then listening. Make the neighbours complain, and the dogs howl. Just show me you love me; show me you care.
Show me that you’re willing to stick it out, even when you want to leave. Show me that you’re going to make an effort and fight through the pain and past the hurt. Because as crazy and ridiculous as it seems, fighting means you love me.
Unfortunately for all of those next to the loud couple who fights more than they talk, they probably won’t be breaking up anytime soon. In fact, their fighting isn’t a sign of a sick relationship, but a healthy one.
FIGHTING MEANS YOU CARE
Fighting means you care enough to deal with the hurt and anger, rather than just walk away. It means actively pursuing a solution, a breakthrough that will make you stronger.
No two people are going to agree on everything, and fighting just means you’ve hit a point in your journey together that needs special attention and communication.
Relationship therapist Dana Ward explains, “Fighting is normal. While some couples may think fighting is the sign of a bad relationship, it is actually is very important. The key is fighting with a purpose.”
It’s the whole idea of “fight or flight.” The way species adapt and evolve is based on the psychological reactions that occur when a threat is perceived. You either stand your ground or flee the situation. Either way, you’re making a decision, one that questions whether the threat is worth attacking or running.
The couples most in love are willing to push aside those subconscious (and conscious) desires to flee, in favour of sticking it out and fighting for one another.
FIGHTING MEANS KEEPING EACH OTHER HEALTHY… AND SANE
Gautama Buddha once wisely cautioned, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
According to findings published in “Psychosomatic Medicine,” Buddha’s logic wasn’t just profound, but also scientifically sound.
The stress you feel from holding on to anger is real. The health risks of that stress are also very real. If you love your partner, care about your partner’s health and want to see him or her happy, then fight for your relationship.
FIGHTING MEANS BEING HONEST
Only during a good fight can you let go of your inhibitions and understand how you and your partner really feel.
According to Pamela Paul, author of “The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony,” compatibility of personality traits, such as beliefs and core values, comes out during a good fight. It’s when you’re heated, not holding back or restraining yourself, that you finally let the other person see how you really think and feel.
These outbursts of truth can only come from a good, heated discussion. Without these fights, people would be getting married and having children without knowing the true feelings and innermost desires of their partners.
In order to face the important and pressing issues that can destroy a marriage, a couple has to be completely honest and open with themselves and the values they hold most important. If these values aren’t tested until a fight occurs, then there’s no way to know what’s really worth fighting for.
While we haven’t yet found much evidence to prove this theory, there isn’t much disproving it. We’re not suggesting you go home and pick a fight tonight; we are saying that if you are going to fight, just look at the make-up sex as the consolation prize. Maybe now it won’t be such a big deal who wins.