Anxious in relationship v/s Secure in relationship

Not every relationship is the same. Some are happy and some are full of anxiety and sadness.
Though every relationship is started with the aim of making it happy and fruitful yet we all know life is not easy and is not a bed of roses.
Today we are going to discuss about what all you experience and what makes you realise if you relationship is secured or anxious.

Anxious in Relationship

Angry and Overwhelmed the moment the partner is busy- In some relationships, the moment the partner gets busy due to some or the other work, the other partner do not know what to do and how to react, hence they tend to get angry and frustrated. This happens mostly in Anxious Relationship.

They feel uneasy and irritated to be vocal about what they need- Instead of being open about their needs, they want their partner to know everything about their needs and wants. Which is practically not possible. It only leads to fights and misunderstandings in the later stages.


They always want to be prioritised over everything else- They want their partner to always think about them, care for them, look for their needs etc. If you think over this properly , it only means that your partner will get no time to do any other thing and his life would only revolve around you. This is not only unhealthy but it will also lead to many other problems in the relationship in the years to come.

They feel devastated when their partner is not able to soothe them- They tend to act like a small kid and always demand care and protection, which is not a very good sign.

 They think that true love means doing the same things and sharing same interests- 

True love means to accept each other fully and to understand each other’s opinions and feelings. It does not mean to always show same interest and do same things.

                    Secure in relationship

Having your own hobby or interest to get involved in, when the partner is busy with work- Keeping yourself busy and equipped with things that help you pass your time when your spouse is busy will help your relationship grow and there will be more understanding between you two.

Being honest and transparent when you communicate- Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, the more you are honest and transparent about your discussions with your partner, the more understanding will be developed between you two.

To understand and be comfortable about the fact that your spouse has other responsibilities and work apart from you- When you accept and feel comfortable about the fact that your spouse has many other things to take care of and he will be busy with work most of the times, will help you create a secured relationship.

Knowing that boredom and loneliness are part of life- Life is full of ups and downs and hence, there will be days you are all happy and excited, and there will be days when it is all gloomy and sad. Both are normal, we are human, living in this world, things happen and hence our mood changes accordingly. Knowing that the negative energy and mood is not because of your partner or relationship will help you in creating a healthy relationship.

Telling your partner how you are exactly feeling and what they can do to help you- Letting your partner know your real thoughts and feelings will help them in helping you find a solution to your problems.

Knowing that healthy relationships call for navigating boundaries and separate needs and wants- This form of relationship gives freedom to both the partners in choosing their interests and do things according to their liking. Such form of freedom is a pre-requisite for any healthy relationship.

Anxious attachment is extremely common and unless and until you address your anxiousness, a lot of toxic patterns can be repeated in your relationships. Usually, anxious attachment develops when a child receives inconsistent love while growing up. This may lead to believing that love is about being hot and cold. Then starts a spiral of not wanting to trust fully a loved one and to also want all the emotional and mental attention. This may lead to clinginess and tantrums when these needs are not met. Even as an adult and in a relationship, if these behaviours are not monitored properly or avoid to put into practice, it can lead to marriage failures and breaking of relationships.


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