The major factor behind the failure in a marriage is waiting for the other person to change.
Some couple after getting married for a decade or two start considering divorce as they somehow feel that there is no spark and excitement in the relationship anymore. They feel unloved and rejected. And they no longer have an emotional and physical connection anymore.
Most of the time the man complains that his wife loves and cares foe the children more than him. And with this there are fights from time to time.
Many couples are ready to throw in the towel and want quick solutions to save their marriage. Truth be told, this is a common problem, but the solutions are never easy.
Change in Mindset
Taking responsibility for your part in the conflict or dispute is a great starting point. One person’s ability to do this can change the entire dynamic of the relationship.
Studies show that the most common reason why couples develop serious difficulties is that one or both partners withdraw due to feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment.
Quit the Blame Game
The recipe for failure in a marriage is waiting for the other person to change. Rather than giving up on their marriage, couples need to lean toward each other. It’s the dissatisfied partner who usually is motivated to change. If you don’t take some new action on your own behalf, no one else will do it for you.
Stay focused on the issues at hand
Ask yourself- What am I trying to accomplish? Avoid name-calling and don’t attack your partner personally. Remember anger is usually a symptom of underlying hurt, fear, and frustration. So ask questions that go deeper to understand the positive need your partner is seeking. Avoid defensiveness and showing contempt for your partner (rolling your eyes, ridicule, name-calling, sarcasm, etc.).
Nurture fondness and admiration
Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities – even as you grapple with their flaws – and express your positive feelings out loud several times each day. Search for common ground rather than insisting on getting your way when you have a disagreement. Listen to his/her point of view and avoid shutting yourself off from communication.
Communicate honestly about key issues in your relationship
Be sure to be forthcoming about your concerns and express your thoughts, feelings, and wishes in a respectful way. Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don’t bury negative feelings.
Try to remember you are on the same team. Accept that people do the best they can and try to be more understanding.
It is understandable that you might feel hurt, frustrated, resentful, or rejected if you perceive that your partner has checked out of your marriage. The next time you have a disagreement with him or her, stop second-guessing their reactions and examine your own responses. Instead of shutting down, adopt a resilient mindset and work on ways you can repair your relationship and get back on track.