Things You’re Not Doing for Your Wife (and Should Be)

Dear Husbands, Do you ever wish that your wife came with an instruction manual of how to make her happy? Ever find yourself wishing there was a Magical Book explaining step by step how to love and cherish your wife well?

Come on, let’s be honest. As husbands, you’ve probably all had those “I just don’t understand my wife” moments.  And no matter how great your marriage is right now, the truth is you can always improve how you show love and affection to your wives. 

Many times you may be asking the question: “What did I do wrong?” But what if the problem isn’t something you did, but something you didn’t do? Sometimes it is what is lacking that causes the biggest issues.

And many times you just go apologize to her not even knowing what you did wrong? Isn’t it? Sometimes you apologize not because you did certain thing wrong but because you did not do something right.

This one is for all the husbands who want to have a better marriage. So whether this is a good refresher for some of you, or totally new news for others, here are few things you’re not doing for your wife and should be:

Continue pursuing her

It is helpful to realize that men are more achievement focused whereas women are more relationship focused. As husbands, you can’t view marrying your bride as the crowning achievement of the dating season and then just stop wooing her. The last thing you want to convey to your wife is that your romantic efforts during dating were solely to get her to marry you. 

Your wife desires for you to be captivated by her and pursue her for life. She wants to know that she is a beauty worth pursuing, not someone who has been pursued, “conquered,” and is now common and ordinary. Make her feel wanted. Plan surprise date nights. Buy her flowers. Write tender and loving notes/cards. If you want your marriage to be healthy and growing, then you must continue to date and pursue your wife.

Listen to what she says and have meaningful conversations with her

There is a difference between acknowledging that your wife is talking and actually hearing and understanding. To actively listen means to repeat back to her what you hear her saying. Empathize and validate her feelings. Be patient to let her finish sharing her feelings before you butt in. To do this, put your phone out of sight, turn off the TV, face each other, and lean into the conversation. Truly listening to your wife is a way to value and respect her.

Talk to her like you did before marrying her

The kind of “talking” we are referring to is more than just the exchange of information and words with your wife. It’s way deeper than that. Husbands, whether you like it or not, your wives desire for you to talk and share things from the heart with them.

So instead of just always reporting the facts to your wife and leaving it at that, strive for deeper conversation. Open up to your wife and let her know how you are feeling, what you are happy about, what is frustrating you, etc. Don’t forget to ask your wife the same questions in return and watch your conversation go to a whole new level.

Praying for her

If you aren’t praying for your wife, then who is and who will?  Husbands are to love, cherish and protect their wives and praying for them is one of the greatest ways to do that.

After that deep, intimate conversation that we mentioned in point 3, offer to pray with her in person about whatever is on her heart. Pray for grace in the busy seasons, wisdom when she doesn’t know what to do, and patience when the kids are about to drive her crazy. It’s amazing the level of intimacy praying for wife adds to your marriage.

Admire and cherish her always

Your wife needs to hear you say “I love you” often. There shouldn’t be any limit to this. Providing for her, protecting her, and doing nice things for her are kind and a way to say “I love you”, but nothing cherishes your wife like you saying it (and meaning it).In the morning when you wake up or before you head out the door for work, say “I love you.” When she gets dressed in the morning, say “You’re beautiful.” In the middle of your day, give your wife a call or text her to let her know that you were thinking of her and that you love her. It’s really quite simple, yet can have profound results in your relationship.

You can really become a better husband if you work at it and focus on the right things.

Hoping and wishing that the points shared above are useful for most husbands to have a wonderful married life.

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