Why Marriage is not 50-50 but 100-100?

You can’t spend your time calculating “50 percent in, 50 percent back.” The attitude has to be one of giving freely. And according to the elders, if you start keeping score in your marriage, you’re already in deep trouble.

When asked about what makes for a long and satisfying marriage, the most common answer is “give and take.”Well, it’s a lot of give and take and You can’t just give or just take, it has to be both.” And the efforts coming from both sides.

 

For long-term success, couples have to orient themselves to giving more than they get. Both individuals are contributing to a relationship, the benefits of which transcend immediate interests on a given day. Let us find out why marriage is all about 100-100 and not 50-50-

1. The 50/50 marriage concept creates  highly unrealistic expectations.  

You’re going to be living with this person for years, decades even! The notion that every step along the way will be divided equally in half is unrealistic, at best.  At some point along the way, your partner will fall. Maybe they’re sick or they’re depressed, or maybe they’re just plain exhausted, and can’t maintain their end of the bargain.  When you’re expecting that they also put in their half, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment, which will translate into a rift in your marriage.

On the other hand, if you expect nothing, and you view any help you get as an unnecessary gift, not only will you not be disappointed if the other person is not upholding their half, but you’ll be thrilled during the points in time when you both are giving the same amount.

2. The 50/50 marriage concept lacks compassion, sympathy and empathy.

To assume that your spouse will be at their best behaviour and perform in an outstanding manner every single day, it only shows a basic lack of understanding of human emotions from your side. If your spouse is sick or depressed or exhausted, maybe they can really only give 10%, or even 0%, and that’s the best they have to give.  In order to give their 100% to the marriage, they need to deal with their own emotional issues before they can appropriately address the marriage-front.

3. The 50/50 marriage concept is selfish and full of expectations

 This mindset is not only selfish due its lack of compassion, but whenever you do something for the relationship or the family, you’re expecting to get something back in return. This changes the thought process from What can I do to make this relationship better? to If I do this, what am I getting out of it? It changes the focus of your relationship from making your partner happy to making yourself happy.  A marriage is not about YOU.  A marriage is about doing everything you can to make that relationship better, more productive, and happy.  It’s about putting the needs of your spouse first, with the knowledge that you will likely someday need the same courtesy from your spouse.

4.  The 50/50 marriage concept paves the way to deeper marital issues in the near future

Expecting 50% from your spouse, leads to an inevitable tallying system which tends to create a negative vibe in your relationship.

They’re not holding up their end of the bargain, so why should you?! Well, because the marriage is not about you. It’s about making things work. That mindset puts you at a stale-mate, whereby nothing is getting done. Tallying, score-keeping, and blame have no place in a marriage.  No one ever wins. So it is better to not believe in such concepts.

Many believe that marriage is all about the effort equally coming from both sides. Yes it is true that there needs to be a team work and role play from both the parties but at the same time, you cannot set a limit or score of the exact 50-50. This will only create a burden on both of you and will lead to conflicts and disputes. Instead, prepare yourself to give 100-100. You both do whatever you are doing but putting your heat and soul, not expecting anything from your partner.


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