Love plays an important role in a married life. Love brings joy, understanding and peace. No doubt it is the heart and soul of a happy and healthy marriage but it won’t be correct if we consider it as the sole reason for a healthy marriage. You know that there is nothing in this world that satisfies a man fully, our needs and requirements changes as per our mood and different stages of life that we come across. In the same way, even in a married life, though love is essential, it cannot bring full satisfaction nor can it lead to a healthy married life.
Marriages are a test of our emotions and life skills. Since most of us were never taught many of these skills, it is no surprise that so many marriages, even those that are based in love, are a continual struggle and often fall apart.
In this blog, we are going to discuss about what all things apart from love is required to have a happy and healthy married life.
- An ability to know and name your emotions at any given time.
- An ability to communicate your emotions verbally and directly.
- An ability to manage the full range of your emotions without acting out destructively toward yourself or others. An understanding of what helps you to manage emotions, and a willingness and ability to seek those supports when necessary.
- An ability to tolerate feeling a lack of connection to your partner sometimes.
- An ability to disconnect from other people, technology, and other types of stimulation, and to be alone with yourself.
- An awareness of your physical needs and a willingness to make choices that optimize your physical health.
- An ability to be emotionally present for a loved one even when you are unable to do anything to fix his or her pain or suffering.
- An ability to create your own happy place sometimes.
- An ability to see and understand how your actions, even when well-meant, can sometimes negatively affect others.
- An ability to apologize and take responsibility for the way your actions affect others sometimes.
- An ability to communicate verbally, directly, gently, and respectfully to others when their actions affect you negatively.
- An ability to identify what you need or want from others and communicate that verbally and directly.
- An ability to tolerate feeling disappointed by others without acting out destructively toward yourself or others.
- An ability to tolerate the experience of having others disappointed in you, without acting out destructively toward yourself or others.
- An ability to step back, gain perspective on any given situation, and see it in the context of the big and complex picture of life.
- An ability to step back and see the whole picture of yourself or another person, in all of its complexity, shades of grey, and seemingly contradictory parts.
- An ability to tolerate sometimes feeling misunderstood or inaccurately perceived by others.
- An ability to allow space for another person’s thoughts, ideas, perceptions, or feelings, even if they seem wrong to you.
- An ability to ask for space for your own thoughts, ideas, perceptions, or feelings, even if they may cause conflict or upset others.
- An acceptance that there are pros and cons to any choice, and that there is no way to avoid sacrifice, compromise, and dissatisfaction.
- An ability to move beyond your own thoughts, ideas, or fears, and truly understand how another person is feeling.
- An ability to verbally and directly show that you understand how the other person is feeling.
- A basic competency in navigating the world professionally, socially, and practically.
- An ability to remain reasonably calm during difficult discussions or conflicts with others.
- An ability to agree to disagree, make compromises and create solutions to conflict.
- An ability to manage your finances properly.
Don’t worry if you cannot master in all the above points. No one ever reaches perfect mastery in this realm. We all muddle through as best as we can. If your marriage is fueled by true love then nothing is impossible, you both can work and find different ways to come up with a solution.
Having a healthy marriage is not easy, you must prepare yourself to take responsibility to evaluate what you need to work on and get whatever support you need to improve your skills. After all, nothing worth having comes easy. A little sacrifices and hardships now will surely help you build a brighter future.